gently down the stream (of consciousness)
stream of consciousness - ready, set, GO!
did you ever just think that you're meant for more? sometimes i truly believe that of myself. as in - stardust. stardom. seriously. i've always lived in a fantasy world, but sometimes, it's clear as visine-eyes. and if i listen to the right song, well damn, i can feel it.
as in "viva la white girl" by gym class heroes. if there is any song that makes me want to get high as a kite like a socialite, it's this one. and really, how much pot have i smoked in my life? not a lot. but i listen to this song and i want to write like it's summer and buy myself that pink guitar from wal-mart and instantly know the chords. i want to smoke something funny and be creative and have people fall in love with me. because she's beautiful and DAMN that girl can sing and she has a way with words. i want (a) certain someone(s) to be jealous and feel just maybe perhaps at least the teeniest bit threatened by that. as opposed to me feeling always threatened and on edge and uncomfortable in my own skin.
could i mingle with the froo-froo in-crowd? i mean, i've gotten better at the chit-chat randomosity. recruiting and phonescreens, day in and out. could it be that different than schmoozing -- even when i am the genuine kind? today, in the office, my supervisor sang, "row row row your boat" and when he got to the end, he sang, "meredith, meredith, meredith, meredith - life is but a dream." my first name doesn't lend itself easily to songs, but this instance made me smile. silly things like that lead me to believe that i'm not meant for a normal life.
i wonder if i've ever been, or ever will be, everything (or close to) that someone hoped for. maybe if i can't be it for ONE, maybe i can be it for MANY. is that what drives the superstars to shine so brightly? why certain songs get stuck in our ears and become classics?
posted by: less-than3
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