it's hard for me to say i'm sorry, i just want you to know
it was only a kiss; it was only a kiss
but it wasn't. intoxicated lips drew back as quickly as they had awkwardly placed themselves upon mine. an apology. we're all friends, and he just doesn't normally do that sort of thing. a bottle of wine will have strange effects on a person; it's true.
after the kiss came the confession. he's in love -- with me. only a few times have i been on the receiving end of such a confession. usually i've been the unrequited confessor.
i honestly don't understand how anyone could fall in love with me. supposedly, it has happened, but i don't understand it.
i feel so low, because this person is so wonderful. he is sweet and kind and funny and adorable. we are alike and on the same wavelength, mentally and emotionally in a lot of ways. peas in a pod of sorts. he deserves an angel who will fall in love with him fully, with all the full force and range of emotion that he has. and i KNOW how that feels, because that's how i love. bouncing along the spectrum from sweetly gentle to downright tornadic. highs and lows, all-consuming.
it's no secret to anyone (i don't think, anyway), that i am in love. but it's not with this person. i love him, i adore him to pieces, but as the saying goes, "i'm not IN love" with him. and it's breaking my heart and filling me with guilt. because he's feeling things about me that i don't deserve, and he tells me things and showers me with compliments that every girl wants to hear. our conversations are a perfect blend of funny and serious. he promises me that i'm not burdening him when i talk nonstop, and that he'll always be there for me if i ever need to talk about anything, night or day.
and i can't give him a DAMN thing in return.
so i cried and ate half a sleeve of cinnamon graham crackers until about 330 in the morning, barely getting enough sleep to function on friday. add a hangover to the mix, and i was a miserable girl. my head, heart and stomach hurt.
i'm sorry.
posted by: less-than3
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