meredithelaine
you can take the girl out of jersey, but you can't take the jersey out of the girl

don't call it a comeback...but then again, maybe it is?


2007-01-13 The current mood of meredithelaine at www.imood.com

fuck fuck fuck.
i'm so torn, guys.

i miss being here every day. i've lost touch, because i don't write in here every day anymore, so i don't check in with the diaries everyday. but i'm SO fucking easy to find now.

i suspect that people who shouldn't be looking here ARE. and that pisses me off because i can't be honest anymore. i can't necessarily say, hey, things aren't always okay, because i have to pretend that they ARE for everyone back east's sake. because if i don't, then everyone back east (EBE) will think that i am incapable and want to swoop in and rescue the poor little defenseless retarded girl who can't do shit for herself.

so i'm torn. because you all know that i'm narcissistic as fuck and i want to be FAMOUS and KNOWN and i want to be some pseudo-scene-queen or diva of the internet or something retarded like that. but at what price?

i want to keep in touch with all my lovelies, because i feel like i've lost a huge chunk of my lifeline.

how do i do this, you guys? because it seems that when i make some even remotely angry mark directed towards a certain population of EBE, i get a guilt-trippy phone call or email (are you mad? did i do or say something?) and i have to pretend and say no. all for the sake of fucking HARMONY.

so much is based on lies. always has and always will. i've got so few i can truly count on. and so many of those FEW were YOU. and i haven't kept up, because i felt it was best for me to leave here.

what do i do? how do i not give a fuck? how do i not give a shit that i may alienate a certain population of EBE with things that i may say?

help.

posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

9:50 a.m.
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