meredithelaine
you can take the girl out of jersey, but you can't take the jersey out of the girl

convince yourself that everything is alright, 'cuz it already is


2004-09-13 The current mood of meredithelaine at www.imood.com

i'm a bit more stable these days -- i'm weaning off meds, so it doesn't really make sense.

maybe it's the low-carbing? i don't know...do carbs make you crazy?

i don't know if it's so much stable as it is apathetic.

i miss singing. i crave it. for me, it's joy. from the days of gospel solos and obscure classical pieces. the triumph of nailing a particular phrase and melody line. to the thursday commraderie and flattery of karaoke night.

twice, i've sang in this godforsaken town. the first was okay, at least my friend from philly had come to hang out with me. the second time...i felt nothing. it was forced and miserable.

i miss people. not specifically, in this instance, but in general. the smiles and recognition of people who are happy to see me.

my voice, dripping with talent and emotion. desperate to send subliminal messages through melodic inflections. i miss the catharsis; i miss blushing from the attention. not competition, but feeling free. enjoying something that i'm good at.

i miss having someone be proud of me for that.

trapped here, staring at this giant question mark.

mix cds for a 6.3759 hour drive. destination known. i'll be screaming beautifully until i'm ready to dive headfirst into a cool-ranch flavored bag of carbs.

among other things, you know...

of course, it's all attached to eachother. chain links of moments and memories and phrases, songs and appetites.

and just in the same manner as my migraine subsides, everything falls into place --

all in time.

patience is a virtue.



posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

9:33 p.m.
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