"de nile ain't just a river in egypt"
as much as i WANT people to worry about me, it's better if they don't. and if they don't worry, then obviously i have nothing to worry about.
see? it makes everything okay. (in a vicious-denial-cycle kind of way)
*
my mom and dad went to the shore condo on saturday to spend the day with my sister, bro-in-law and nephew. i didn't even know they were going. my sister didn't get the message until she got back on sunday that i was going to be down the shore also. but my mom knew. i was about a 1/2 hour away...
and they didn't call me.
if that isn't fucking proof that i'm invisible, then i don't know what is.
good to know that i'm not even worth the effort of a phone call.
*
a visitor from our NJ office came today...he chatted me up for a few seconds, and when i asked what brought him to our neck of the woods...he just walked away into another room completely and started talking to someone else.
*
unseen and unheard. an afterthought. or a non-thought. i don't want to have to fight so hard for common everyday attention.
i should lay low. see what happens.
but you know as well as i do that i won't be able to hold out. i won't be able to sit back and make people come to me.
i'm too desperate for that. the panic will set in. if i completely disappear just for a little, then i'll vanish from their minds and hearts completely.
(i wish i was so much stronger than i am)
posted by: less-than3
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