depression settles in my brain in the form of a migraine
i feel so unimportant. unmissed. unloved. uneverything.
i'm a girl who makes resumes look pretty, who barely has time to eat, whose head wants to explode by the end of the day from the screaming telephones, and i hide - and i hide - and i hide...
no one's searching.
it's almost okay with me.
i'll continue posting my stupid half-hearted psuedo-comedic overdramatic cries for some sort of help that i don't know if i want or need and wouldn't even know how to specify what it IS that i'm really asking for.
so i'm not asking for anything, okay? i'm fine. i'm just tired. i'm just not feeling well.
everyone is so quick to believe.
no one knows who or what i'm talking to. or about. it's better this way. i keep it vague on purpose. no one gets hurt, feels guilty. no one thinks it's about them. most likely, it's not anyway. it's ME and my inability to cope with the fact that i'm this miserable sack of crap that can't deal with LIFE. i wish that i could suck it up and DEAL. i wish i could snap out of this. but the chokehold is strong -- sometimes i wonder if someday, it's going to win?
am i going to make it there? to sunny california? am i going to physically make it to my destination? am i going to survive once i'm there? am i going to thrive? or am i going to crumple and crush myself and fall victim to all the traps that i have time and again?
i was a solid "B" student; it doesn't mean i RETAINED anything.
i have no confidence. isn't that obvious?
posted by: less-than3
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