even the best fall down sometimes

i am not going to let one more minute go by without thanking everyone. everyone who has called me, emailed me, and sent me text messages. all of my buddies who left me notes and well-wishes in my guestbook. and everyone who reads, never lets on that they do, and just sits there thinking "good GOD, what the hell is up with this girl?"

everyone's love and concern makes me feel all squishy and smooshy.

of course, there is ONE mystery. mystery mike, i shall dub him. he signed my guestbook today. no email. no diary. it has been a long time since a random has signed my guestbook. even Georg the Austrian spammer has been slackin'. and we all know that nicole is my #1 guestbook stalker.

suffice it to say, i'm intrigued by mystery mike.

anyway...

after a long, difficult conversation last night, i'm feeling better. which is miraculous in itself. it's just very frustrating, being bipolar and all. every minor setback seems huge. every difficulty - insurmountable. i always feel challenged, just to get by and survive. and sometimes, i'm just tired of it. and discouraged. and scared.

and i become an emotional wreck. ok, i don't become one, i just become a WORSE emotional wreck.

but you know what i say?

FUCK THAT SHIT

i am better than this. i'm stronger than this. i'm a fighter, dammit. i've clearly got this wonderful support system of people i know AND don't know, who've got my back. i've got friends, granted they're all pretty far away, but i've got them. i've got LOVE in my life. no matter how much i subconsciously try and push it away. i've got companies calling and emailing me, wanting to interview me. i've got family. we're...dysfunctional, but who's isn't?

so today, i'm not bitching. not about this. today i'm feeling better and stronger. i've got a smile on my face. i've got a brand new howie day cd with bonus tracks, a fresh manicure and a liter of diet pepsi. i've got a text message on my cell phone that i need to check.

today, i can say in all honesty -- i'm happy. and if i can pull off "happy" for a day, who's to say i can't do it for longer, right?

and i have to remember this. because no matter how bad it gets, i can pull myself out of the black hole. sometimes it takes a while, but i can do it. i've done it before, right? i've made it 29 and almost a 1/2 years, right?

i'm gonna be okay. i really, really am.

edit #1: ok, who left a comment on my buzznet photoblog saying "i miss you", but didn't leave a name? you mystery people are KILLIN' me over here! c'mon...fess up...pleeeeeease?

edit #2: whoa. my diary got 195 hits yesterday. i haven't seen an influx like that in ages. i'm baffled, how about you?

posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

7:58 p.m.
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