fell to pieces, and i'm still fallin'
i've gotten a lot of support and love from those that i've told about last night's transgressions (hearts and flowers and kumbaya to you all). and encouragement that if i have gone 8 months, i can start again, i can get another 8 months...then 8 years, etc.
i feel weak. ashamed that i succumbed to something i swore i'd never fall victim to again.
it's odd, the trance you fall into when you're in the moment of it. nothing is real. your tears aren't real. the line you trace isn't real (note to self: don't listen to evanescence when you're in that frame of mind. this does not help matters). you do not feel your arms curl around your body. you do not feel yourself walking to the linen closet. you are not aware of your contemplation, and then your actions.
and then it is over. you curl into a ball and fade into black sleep.
in the morning, you wake up as if it is any other day. you may not remember the previous night's events.
i woke up this morning with a slight rememberence, and it was surreal. i thought maybe i had been in a bizarre dream sequence.
but then i looked over at my nighttable, and i realized it wasn't a dream. or nightmare. it was true.
live and learn, i suppose.
starting again. day 1.
posted by: less-than3
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