funny how i'm nervous still; i've always been the easy kill
more inclined to follow my heart and head, rather than cave to someone else's hopes or wishes.
a little more assertive. a little more certain. a little more ...of a bitch?
i'm sure that was among the first words out of your mouth when you hung up without asking for an explanation.
you know the history as well as i, so there's no need to regurgitate it.
but have you noticed lately how i've shied away from conversation? that i've become quiet? it's because the conversations started to make me uncomfortable.
and that's how it's always been. but it was easily pushed aside, since ours was never a face-to-face friendship.
but it could've been, today.
the fact of the matter is, that i never know where the joking ends, and the sincerity begins. i never have known.
so what does that leave us with?
3 years of friendship. but no trust.
and i'm sorry that it is that way, but certain things that have been said, over time, led me to question the motives. because i can never be sure of the standpoint. i fear what you may have wanted from me.
so, on a not-so-cold october evening, i decided that it was in my best interest NOT to drive into atlantic city, alone, to meet up with someone that, even after all this time, i'm not sure that i can trust.
experience is the best teacher, and i've learned my lesson well. maybe i'm being ridiculous; maybe i'm not.
but i'm looking out for me this time.
(i can't make everyone happy)
posted by: less-than3
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