meredithelaine
you can take the girl out of jersey, but you can't take the jersey out of the girl

gather my insufficiencies and place them in your hands


2004-06-17 The current mood of meredithelaine at www.imood.com

it has been a particularly rough week.

good for my writing, but little else.

nothing else.

nothing seems to be working. wallowing in it isn't snapping me out of it. trying to ignore it isn't working. i just can't seem to do it.

i have a feeling i'll be in lockdown this weekend. blockbuster days and nights. take out. i'd love to just sleep. without guilt of not being productive. chores and such.

those have been terribly neglected.

clearly i need my upcoming vacation.

one of the few things that i need...that i'm actually going to be getting.

fuckin' angst.

i'm agitated and cranky. i'm jumping off the cliff into the conclusions. 2-4 hours of sleep per night this week. fighting tears by day. willing them by night (but they hide).

words from my past are echoing more than usual lately. and despite the people that tell me that it was never my fault...i know that it was. i know what i do. i know how i am. i know that i suck the life out of people. the guilt of that kills me.

and i try so hard...but trying...doesn't always work. doesn't always save the day. and i destroy everything around me.

i couldn't even keep the daisy alive.

the problem with being melodramatic, is that everyone KNOWS that you are. they call you on it.

but to us (the melodramatic ones), it's life or death. always has been, always will be.

and we're the ones who are supposed to bend and conform. change to suit the world. the "normal" world.

when we need the kid gloves, we're handed a hard-hat and expected to trudge right on along.

it's not that easy for us.

not that easy for me.

armed with that knowledge, what will you do? the same as yesterday, the same as today, the same as tomorrow.

and i'll be willing the flowers to grow. but i'm no good at gardening.

i just want something beautiful to keep. to remind me that life is beautiful.

(side note to anyone who prays: please keep my former roomie and her family in your prayers. her grandfather had a heart attack and is not doing well, and her aunt has cancer and just had a hysterectomy.)

posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

9:57 p.m.
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