i don't know how i got this way, i'll never be alright
how could you? how dare you? keep your mouth shut next time, every time...
even the strongest will run when confronted with this beast.
and just to confirm that this is in fact true, a conversation between me and an acquaintence from one of those "friendspace" sites - he is married to someone who is diagnosed similarly to myself, and reading his email broke me down. to read how absolutely miserable he is, and how it's affecting their 2 kids. he stays with her for his kids. since she is the mother of their children, even if he left he'd have to deal with her anyway. he stays because she'll only be more pissed off and upset if he leaves.
and a direct quote:
People know me and know I am a good person and they see first hand what I had/have to put up with over the past years and all of them are on my side
that one sentence is all the proof that i need.
granted, i know that everyone's lives and situations are different. and that i know very little of this person's life. i'm dealing with very few facts. but on this level, the ONLY difference between me and this woman is that she refuses to go on medication or go into counseling. (they've been in marital counseling, but she hasn't gone on her own, from what i understand)
what i always feared about myself - and about how the way i am affects other people - is ALL TRUE. the times my friends got fed up with me, the reasons the evil-ex gave for dumping me, the things my father said to me...ALL TRUE.
oh my god.
there are just no words to describe how i'm feeling.
thank god i'm in work alone, is all i have to say.
i don't even know what to do right now.
posted by: less-than3
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