i need the space to say whatever i like

2005-02-02

the platform of the R5 express to doylestown is NOT the best place to start crying

(so i didn't)

it's as if someone or something keeps pushing my head below the water's surface. i pop back up with barely enough time to catch a breath before i am submerged again.

my time of freedom is running short. my vices will be snatched from me, and i will have to play the role of the perfect-12-year-old-daughter once again. live the lie. "no daddy, i still don't drink. i don't smoke. and i'm not $5000 in debt"

(because after all, getting into credit card debt is THE STUPIDEST THING YOU CAN DO, right daddy? you told me that yourself - happy thanksgiving to you too)

he'd kick me out if he knew those things. he'd pay off my debts and make my life a living hell. make sure i didn't forget it.

the safety net always comes at a cost.

my stomach gurgles with a force so loud it's embarassing. you can see and feel it move. it hurts. it's all due to my sense of impending doom.

inquiries:

i'm 1/2 lithuanian. does that mean i can sell myself off as a "Russian Bride"?

do you know how it feels to have no hope? i am scared; i don't have the courage, means or know-how to try something new.

pleas:

i can't do this alone
someone help me
for the love of god, someone fucking save me!

someone please write me
a song or a sonnet
put it to music
for me to sing

observations, part 2:

i'm sick of the acid that burbles through my body.

my life is on hold until the planets and stars align. it's a good thing that i don't have much of a life to begin with.

posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

10:20 p.m.
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