meredithelaine
you can take the girl out of jersey, but you can't take the jersey out of the girl

in excelsis deo


2005-08-17 The current mood of meredithelaine at www.imood.com

wow. haven't had a multiple post day in a while.

well, you know it's bad when DRINKING doesn't even seem fun anymore.

so i ate. and ate. even when i told myself i wouldn't.

i HATE myself right now. i'm ballooning to epic proportions, i take more xanax than i should, and because i'm so fucking GREAT at being "functional" -- no one even realizes a goddamn thing is wrong!

no one has batted a fucking eyelash that this once-early riser, little miss i can survive on 2 hours sleep, now naps 75% of her weekend away. i don't want to talk to anyone, but i don't want to be alone.

i'm fucking miserable and hating my life and no one gives a fuck. no one's looking out for ME. no one's worrying about ME, because i'm so fucking BRILLIANT at sucking it up and dealing.

well, you know what? i'm not dealing well. my smiles are fake, and i can't believe the apathy isn't present in my voice.

but hey, i get up in the morning, i go to work, i make money. i can pay for my car and the gas to go in it.

i don't give a fuck about ANYTHING anymore. i just don't. if it wasn't for my sense of responsibility (to what? to whom? i have NO idea)...i'd be a mess right now.

but i AM a mess. i just hide it well.

i'm self-centered and miserable. when do i get saved? when does someone help ME? when do my dreams get to come true. when do i get to live through a day without wishing i wasn't here? when i do i get to smile for REAL?

i'm rambling. it's not even 830. i'm going to bed. sleep is better than awake.



posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

8:15 p.m.
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