it must make you sad to know that no one cares at all
because over the course of the past 6 hours, i have eaten an entire quart (yes, QUART) of veggie fried rice. never mind the veggie steamed dumplings.
fucked up thing is, i wasn't even hungry.
i hate when i get like this. i get sad an miserable, so i eat to the point that i am in so much goddamn pain.
i guess that isn't so unlike me. my pattern of events. physical pain to cross out the emotional pain.
eat until i'm sick.
drink until i'm dizzy and puking.
slice until i'm bleeding and scarred.
it's terribly fucked up.
i should be setting my alarm clock for 530 am tomorrow - so that i can go jogging before getting ready for work. that's a new goal. whether or not it happens tomorrow remains to be seen.
i'm not ready to get back to work. to "real life" after being on "vacation". i hope i can remember to lie about my vacation -- it was fabulous had a blast.
no one at work needs to know that i spent most of my time sleeping. or hiding/cringing from my father's drunken commentary. or that i got sick halfway through the week and came home early.
i need to get better at that. at lying. at holding my tongue. no one, especially co-workers, needs to hear my stupid stories. my life, served with a side order of please-feel-bad-for-me-i'm-starving-for-attention.
today needs to end. soon.
of course, that means that tomorrow comes even faster.
i'm screwed either way.
posted by: less-than3
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