meredithelaine
you can take the girl out of jersey, but you can't take the jersey out of the girl

it's been a day; somehow survived it


2006-02-05 The current mood of meredithelaine at www.imood.com

...and you know that all your "sisters" and "parents" out there would tell you that it's unfair of you to make comparisons of yourself to others. this is not a checks and balances sort of thing.

oh, but you know you have a lot to live up to! even if it's in your own, fucked up, honeybrown eyes.

cold, sunny, early new jersey sunday mornings are easy to fall in love with. only a few are out running errands. the sun is sparkling off the reservoir (and really, what part of this region is NOT next to, surrounded by, or within a mile or two of a reservoir?), and you can't help but breathe it in.

keep the window open, partially because you're actually out of the house and this means you can chainsmoke, but mostly because it's crisp and fresh. consider it odd that you're smoking yourself to an early grave 7 seconds at a time (isn't that the per-cig statistic?), but yet you are enjoying the naturific air of upper morris and passaic counties.

wal-mart, from 7am until 9 or 930, is pretty much a barren wasteland. just the way you like it. run in, buy some slim-fast bars, vanilla shower gel, shave gel, a tongue scraper (the amount of ick that is on the tongue is FRIGHTENING), an extra pack of smokes, and get out.

then, of course, you will drive 45 minutes out of your way to hit up starbucks for a venti-skim-sugarfreevanilla-latte. it sure is purty up here in suburbia, but NOTHING is conveniently located.

your mind wanders as you sing and drive. your iPod caters to your eclectic taste: onelinedrawing, christina milian, the go-gos, jimmy eat world, shakira...

you can't even focus on one thought for more than a few seconds. almost like your pre-sleep fantasies. you try and predict the future, but come up with nothing but dust in your drowsy eyes.

you're scared. you don't want to make the same mistakes in the last big city you lived in. even though you're not completely sure exactly what those mistakes were. all you know is that one day, you just wanted to die. or not live. everything crumbled; now you've managed to spackle yourself back together for the most part.

you hope you don't come unglued.

you don't know what to expect. you don't know what's expected of YOU. it's all a big question mark over your head, and in a way, that's quite exciting, but in another way, it is VERY unsettling, and you do not like that at all.

because a little certainty is always nice. a little constant. it's a comfort. and you don't know where to find that right now.



posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

4:35 p.m.
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