i've made up my mind, i'll do it over any time
by myself.
i don't do the whole flying thing very well. i tend to panic and cry, so i'll probably have to pop some xanax.
i've made some progress in packing. i've switched suitcases 3 times, because i keep needing a bigger one. it's going to be in the mid 70s in san diego, and the mid 90 in sacramento. it'll probably be breezy and cool at night on the beach and in san francisco as well. i need to bring cute shoes and comfy shoes, to match my cute clothes and comfy clothes.
the limo (ha! i wish, i'm guessing it'll just be a towncar) is coming to get me at 1030 tomorrow morning.
i can't help but feel like this trip is symbolic. freedom? independence? rite of passage? for a 30 year old, i'm hardly a grown up. but i planned this trip and booked everything "all by myself" (she says in a childlike voice).
right now, i'm dealing with a freedom that i didn't want. didn't choose. but sometimes we have no choice. so you just have to embrace it, somehow, and live it.
i was so certain about so many things, for a while. but that certainty slowly discintigrated, as much as i tried to stop it. and trust me, i tried. i believe it is safe to say that i stopped at almost nothing.
but some things can't be forced. you can't press your life's dreams upon someone else. maybe at some other time, paths will cross, and the twine that binds us together will pull us back, despite the fraying.
for now, i just keep wandering. following stars.
maybe someday, the right one will fall for me.
i can't even begin to describe how excited i am. meeting eireann in NC was just mind-bogglingly amazing. and now i'm going to be meeting eric and rhonda! 3 people in 3 weeks! oh, the love of it all!
i swear, sometimes i want to slap the shit out of the internet for cursing me with some of the people it threw into my life. other times, i want to give the internet a big ol' hug, take it out to dinner and give it flowers.
meanwhile, i've been getting lots of myspace love lately. go here and friend me! i have this hypothesis that if you change your status from "in a relationship" to "single", you are put on the "Cool New People" page in heavy rotation. i haven't gotten this much attention from randoms since i first signed up! one guy even wanted to sell me w33d! odd, i tell ya.
i need to pack some more. and fetch myself some dinner, since it's almost 4pm, and i haven't eaten since 10am.
i'm going to california. tomorrow. for the first time in 25 years. this is so huge, folks. (nope, i don't get out much)
posted by: less-than3
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