i want the truth from you, gimme the truth, even if it hurts me
am i going to have to lock this diary too? or should i just keep writing, and divulging all the little things that no one, seemingly, has the balls to approach me personally about?
some personal people in my life read this diary. some i have told them directly about it. gave them the address. i have no beef with that at all. but certain people have chosen to be uber-stealthy, and then wonder why i have trust issues?
maybe because you don't talk to me directly about these things? are you fishing for information to find out that i'm not okay? trying to prove some sort of point?
this is why i'm pulling away again. this is why i learn not to trust people. this is why i don't ask for anything anymore -- i'm ASHAMED. and i know it will all be held against me. everything i do and say. and i'm not trusted. i'm not trusted to be okay. or do okay. or survive, apparently.
if you're going to read, then talk to me. and talk to me like i'm an adult. i am not 12. i am not stupid. and i'm not insensitive.
i try to not be a burden to anyone. i try and keep my mouth shut as much as i can. and this is how i get repaid? trust broken, and lack of communication. clearly, it's all a play for control. guilt and condescending words and attitudes.
everytime i think that i can let go, relate and try and build some form of solid relationship, and break down my walls...i get proven wrong. i learn that i need to keep the fortress high.
the moat is wide, the brick walls are tall, thick and imposing, and the princess is locked inside the doors - alone.
always alone.
posted by: less-than3
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