losing faith in this world
the number of people that i will ever confide in again, is growing smaller by the day.
my life is fucked up enough! why do you want to fuck with it further?!
why do i think that people actually...care. want to get to know me. want to be real. want to conversate and smile and laugh. ha. what a fucking joke.
oh wait, that's right. I'M the fucking joke, aren't i...?
just when i thought i couldn't sink lower into this dark pit, i did.
tomorrow, i'm going to NJ, to visit with my family. my sister, mom and i are going into NYC for a few hours. mom's birthday is on monday, so we're celebrating this weekend. i don't want to go. i have no desire to go. no motivation. no reasoning. it's as if i just don't...care about anything anymore.
i still haven't unpacked from last weekend. i have piles of laundry. my kitchen is a collection of empty bottles and pizza boxes. the only things i can seem to do these days are: smoke, eat (sometimes), sleep, chat online, and write. everything else...it seems i just can't be bothered. and i may just start phasing out a few of those 5 things.
i'm sick of the everyday. i really just don't care. i am dying to feel special...but when people tell me that i am...it turns out they're lying to me, in one way or another. or i'm just not told; i'm invisible and empty. ghost-like. fade me into nothing, it's probably better that way.
either way, we're looking at a sad pathetic excuse for a girl, now aren't we. i hope you enjoyed your look...i think the show is over now.
(just numb me until i can't see, hear, feel or emote ever again)
posted by: less-than3
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