manic panic!
because my heart is a flutter, my hands jittering and i am a-buzz. willowbrook mall was a nightmare waiting to happen (all entrances appeared to be 1/2 mile backed up to get in, at least), so i turned around on route 46, headed back up 23, got on to 287 south, and drove an hour out of my way to bridgewater. and thought nothing of it. and found a parking spot within 3 minutes. 10 spots away from an entrance.
in the past 4-6 weeks i have, as of today, lost 9 pounds. so how come every article of clothing i try on FITS, but looks like absolute CRAP? i tried on all these adorable velvety camisole shirts; some strappy, some halter-top, burgundy, silver, black, sparkles, sequins...
and they all just looked WRONG. they either fit funny at a weird spot in the boobal region, or ended at a bad spot on my hips (so i looked REALLY bell-shaped)...but over-all, the effect was quite...um, materity-looking?
should i ever end up having any kidlets, i can now rest assured that i will be the cutest pregnant lil' muffin! so...yay me? i guess? but really, on new years eve, i really don't think the damn, should she really be drinking that much when she's 4 months along? look is what i should be going for.
so fuckity fuck. driving back from the mall, i'm throwing myself into a panic, aided by the coffee from the LastChanceMobilMart i'd consumed earlier on an empty stomach. i have no new shirt. i have yet to dye my hair or have it trimmed. i have yet to have a pedicure. i have yet to pack. i have yet to finish wrapping the presents i'm bringing with me. i haven't gone to the bank. i'm trying to come as close to perfection as i can for this trip and i'm just not even getting close. this is very important to me, and i'm missing the mark. i look like crap and i feel like crap, and i'm going to most likely have to recycle some shirt from the archives to wear out there which was SO not my game plan because i wanted to be all festive and sparkly and not have roots showing (or the fact that my dark dye job from a month or 2 ago has since faded into nothingness), and do you UNDERSTAND???? this is the ONE THING that i am looking foward to this whole entire holiday season. the one thing i have, and i am NOT PREPARED AT ALL. i'm lucky that i remembered to buy a mini-tube of toothpaste to bring with me. geez.
i have to do laundry too. fuck.
and all i can do is sit here and obsess and write about it. HA! i can't even organize a list right now because i am FREAKING OUT. i am a mess right now. i have nothing pretty to wear. i wasn't even looking for anything fancy, you know? just a funky, cute, fun, sexy, shirt to wear with jeans and god, i can't even get THAT right.
ughughugh. i want to bang my head against my desk. or the wall. or something. i'm so overwhelmed right now.
i think i just spaced out for 5 minutes just now. my mind just goes and goes and goes with all these thoughts, muddled, trying to organize a list, but it gets all confused, and nothing comes out right. and so time passes, and nothing gets done, though i've thought about it. ideas have spun in my head, but nothing has been produced.
i need to relax. i think i need to overload on water to get the caffeine out of me or something. maybe have some pistachio cake. maybe just sleep. am i even going to MAKE to thursday to get onto the plane? at this rate, i may spontaneously combust!!!
posted by: less-than3
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