on the way home, this car hears my confessions
and then it all went downhill.
i couldn't even get myself to drive all the way to Target. all of a sudden i was just...drained. just...no, i can't go. must go back to the house. must get into comfy clothes. must hide from the world.
i hate it.
i'm avoiding the phone. not like that's a HUGE break from the norm.
but i made the mistake of returning a phone call last night from a myspace minion who left me a very nasty voicemail. being all "that's so FUCKING rude that you don't return my FUCKING phone calls, whatever. i don't even know why i bother with you..." on and on for 2 minutes he went. he was pissed b/c i hadn't returned his phone calls. the 478 that he's made over the past week.
meanwhile, my text messages that i've replied to him have indicated that i'm not really up for talking. my away messages on AIM indicate my depressive state, and my blogs, well, we all know how THEY'VE sounded lately.
so don't call me FUCKING RUDE when it's CLEAR that i'm not doing well, and not being social. AND APOLOGIZING FOR IT. i'm saying "i'm sorry" left and right for being melancholy.
still, i didn't want someone to hate me, so i called him back. and endured the 1/2 hour of torture that followed. i think i spoke about 4 sentences. maybe. while he spoke of his delusions and visions he used to see, and how he was depressed and got beat up by his brother all the time, and how we should just get together and cuddle because he's better than ANY medication i could ever be put on. he's FUN, dammit! that's his purpose in life! he brings joy to people.
he brings me a migraine.
oh christ, i just got a text from him - he wants to see me, no matter how late i get home. (you see, i told him i was meeting up with a friend of mine today, to get him off my back about meeting up. so much for that...)
FUCK ME for actually thinking i could make a friend in this town. YES, it's worse that he's IN my town. somewhere. i thought it'd be cool to have a local friend. now i just have a local lunatic.
posted by: less-than3
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