so long and goodnight (aka something i wrote either way too late at night or way too early in the AM)
i swim in the light, searching for names i once knew. i ask myself, what would be different now, if...? shake my head, NO. there is no time for that. plans need to be made for the hellish existence of auto insurance and family-shared takeout.
pretend to be thankful for unsolicited advice and charities given with stipulations attached. squash every speck of faith, to become the dutiful one. rinse it out and laugh along.
there's no need or purpose to think back, and try to manipulate what you lost into today. none of it is worth it (even when you try to convince yourself to stay strong). the "everything happens for a reason" excuse is getting old - especially when we're over 10 years out from the birth of that mantra.
but somehow, i've died more than once, and returned. for what reason?
the glow and glimpse of the collision between reality and optimism dissolves in a matter of days.
the mirror does not lie. incandescent and flourescent highlights upon sallow skin, darkened eyes, and a mishapen form. no one can dare speak to understand. i know how i would like to be saved; it will not happen.
not in this state.
status: incomplete, aborted and deleted
this path i've dreamed up is all bullshit. nothing changes. i grasp at false appreciation, and regret ever moving past step one. i am not looked AT, i am looked THROUGH. speaking proves nothing. praying proves fruitless. i shall continue to bottle my selfishness, and stew in my hidden reckless complaints - it is better this way.
my left leg is half-numb. better than searing pain, i think.
i turn my head to watch the music video. these words have been quoted before. veiled and draped over me, in a subliminal hint. another song to spell the end.
i laugh at the conversation's turn. throwing stones to initiate the hatred. i've seen these blueprints before. a plan to strike when least expected. and i'll be crumpled once again.
5am and it's 3 hours of ntrospection...
whats the worst that i could say?
things are better if i stay
so long and goodnight
so long and goodnight
and if you carry on this way
things are better if i stay
so long and goodnight
so long and goodnight
posted by: less-than3
[if you like what you read, please clix me!]
meredithelaine's recently played tracks:
meredithelaine's most played tracks of the past week:
