meredithelaine
you can take the girl out of jersey, but you can't take the jersey out of the girl

so many times we just give it away


2005-08-24 The current mood of meredithelaine at www.imood.com

i spend a lot of time, money, and effort trying to make others happy. any way, small or large, that i can put a smile on their face, brings a smile to MY face.

it's a kind of love that wells up in me.

maybe i was taught that money buys love. or makes up for the love that you can't necessarily give in other ways, for whatever reason. maybe i just wanted something different. maybe i try to give to others what i so desperately want for myself.

i'm always thinking; my mind is always whirling -- how can i make a smile? how can i bring a special light to someone? i've tried both. i've tried to buy love. and i've tried to create special, unique expressions of love.

it's selfish and selfless - all at the same time.

construction-paper hearts with memories written upon them. trips out of the way for the BEST pork fried rice. mix cds and post-it notes. scrapbooks of poetry and 3x5 cards. a karaoke dedication. a text message and a bed and breakfast. blood tests, fruits and vegetables. collages and blogs. cryptic codes. screaming, legs spread, face down. beer and breakfast. my treat. badly folded laundry. gashes in forearms and ankles.

a binging anorexic.
a drunken sobriety.
a narcoleptic insomniac.
a depressed manic.
an apathetic obsession.
a celibate whore.

merry christmas.
my deepest condolences.
bon voyage.

and i haven't seen the west coast since i was 5.

in some odd, indescribable, fucked up way, this is my thank you to everyone who's given me so much love and something to smile about over the past few weeks. you'll never know the gratitude in my heart


*stalkstalkstalk*

posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

9:24 p.m.
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