so this is odd, the painful realization that all has gone wrong
i have a family that loves me, sometimes too much. they look after me, overprotect me, and spoil me. but they are proud of me. they love me.
i have friends that love me. friends who tell me how special i am. how they love having me around. i'm funny, i'm good company. and i deserve so much more than i've been given. my friends drop everything to come rescue me. they offer to kick people's asses for me.
i have a therapist who tells me that i am a goddess. not in a conceited way. she explained: "where else are we going to find god, if not in ourselves, and in others?" (beautiful, yes?) she tells me that i have a wealth of talent and so much to offer the world. that i need to gather up in strength that is in me, and not be such a doormat. because i deserve better than that.
i have "strangers" who grace my life with little ego boosts. 19-year-olds online who ask me out. (how cute is that?) randoms who email me, IM me, and want me to decipher my poetry for them. because it's good, and it's intriguing, and they want to know what's in my head. people who want to hear my life story. the pharmacy assistant who flashes me a wink and a smile, and as i walk out of the store, calls out to me repeatedly, "bye! have a good day! bye! have a good weekend! take care!"
put all these things together. mix well. i should have nearly 29 years of bliss.
i am loved. i am (told that i am) talented, beautiful, caring, special, funny...
(worthy)
seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years of nudges at my selfconfidence. trying to convince me that i'm worth believing in. adding up and up over the years.
and all it takes is mere seconds, maybe a minute at the most, to knock it all down.
(thank you for that)
posted by: less-than3
[if you like what you read, please clix me!]
meredithelaine's recently played tracks:
meredithelaine's most played tracks of the past week:
