meredithelaine
you can take the girl out of jersey, but you can't take the jersey out of the girl

the sun'll come out tomorrow


2006-04-15 The current mood of meredithelaine at www.imood.com

having a social life is tiring. names and faces and how-are-yous and ohmygod, oh yes, YOU'RE the MEREDITH FROM NEW JERSEY and dammit they are all so lucky because they only need to learn one new name and one new face while i need a spread sheet or a family tree of sorts to get it all figured out. name tags, perhaps?

i was considering getting a shirt made: "Why yes, I AM the Meredith from New Jersey" and wearing it every time that i went out. i thought that'd be funny, since i seem to encounter new people who know of me each time i go out. these nights are a whirlwind blur to me. but FUN! music and laughter and drama and comedy (theater[re?]) and hardcore!metal and i haven't felt this accepted by a group of people since the scranton crew. square peg/round hole syndrome no more.

and i am acutely aware of how fragile that is and how quickly that could change. i could certainly fall out of favor. but for now, i seem to be getting the vote of approval from the circle of friends.

funny, have i not been here before? oh, yes, i have. friends are smart people. they've got good taste and good intuition (winkwink).

i've been told before that i need to be more aggressive. that i don't speak up for myself enough; i should tell people what i want, and go for it. there's something to be said for that. BUT. what if that backfires? what if your slight aggression is mistaken for impatience and it dissolves everything that you have worked so hard to have?

what if what you have is so important to you, even if it is not the "ideal" situation? and you understand in your head WHY it is what and how it is. and it's certainly not BAD...not by a long shot. oh no, in fact, it is GOOD.

and you swore, you promised and swore that you would not be pushy. and you are trying not to, and you think you're doing a pretty decent job considering the disclosures that you've made that, quite honestly, leave you wide open and put you at risk. and people are saying things, because they see things, and it makes sense because if you saw it through their eyes, you'd think the same things too. but being on the inside, you know that the situation isn't QUITE how everyone is seeing it.

and you admit it, it makes your heart hurt. a teeny bit. but it's okay, because right now, you are having the time of your life. no, the scenario isn't "perfect" -- but what the fuck is?

so you keep that in mind. you remind yourself and you keep yourself in check. you kick yourself in the ass when you start getting selfish. let it BE, girl. let it BE.

because let's face facts: you are smiling more than you are crying. you are happier than you have been in probably, oh, at LEAST 3 or 4 years. you are living in fucking CALIFORNIA. you are getting your shit together. you have an adorable apartment, which you are decorating with pictures of all of your lovelies. you are finding your way around san diego just find, thankyouverymuch. you are interviewing and getting bites on your resume EVERY DAY. you are going out, making friends. you are seeing a wonderful guy who makes you smile. your family and friends from back home and back-in-da-day have not forgotten you, miss you mucho and check in with you more than ever.

so you are doing quite alright, okay? stop stressing, keep smiling, laughing, dancing, singing, and bringing that Jersey Sunshine to everyone around you.




posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

12:26 p.m.
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