meredithelaine
you can take the girl out of jersey, but you can't take the jersey out of the girl

the wonders of nature, and the nature of me


2004-08-05 The current mood of meredithelaine at www.imood.com

tuesday, it seems, my indoctrination into the world of "junior staffing coordinator"-ness began.

tuesday, i was calling candidates, giving them info on a new job order, seeing if they're available and interested.

i was told today that they want me to start sitting in on "board meetings" - meetings where they discuss the job orders on the dry-erase board, not like a chairmen-of-the-board meeting.

this is scaring the fuck out of me.

i'm afraid of failure. i'm afraid to succeed. i'm being ever so slowly yanked (if one can actually be slowly yanked) out of my comfort zone.

i love what i do now. i love interaction with candidates. i love being an administrative assistant. but part of me wants more. and part of me wants nothing to do with it.

i'm going to start getting nauseous over this. my stress level is going to skyrocket.

i'm terrified of this. the unknown. of advancement.

i never thought i'd be one to amount to anything. really. i'm not a "career" type. i'm not a go-getter in that respect. i never want to be anyone's boss. i like having little things i'm responsible for. if you need ________, go see meredith. that sort of thing.

but i never thought i'd be in a position to be trusted and respected and counted as an equal. i never thought i'd be anything but an admin. not that there's anything wrong with that. i'd be perfectly happy being an admin forever. i love it.

i just never thought i had the potential to have a title with anything other than administrative/clerk/assistant as one of the keywords.

i am worried that i can't do this. that i'll fail miserably and be a disappointment.

but what if i succeed? then the bar will be raised again. and i'll have the fear of failure again.

it's a vicious cycle that never ends. ever.

i need to win the lottery. right now.

posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

1:09 a.m.
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