torture at quarter to three
entry # 2 of the day, btw
i'm always finding some way to make myself miserable. damn defense mechanism. shooting myself down before i can have a chance to build up any sort of hope.
because hope only leads to destruction. so i smack myself, telling myself that i should know better.
everytime i start to trust, i get let down. everytime i offer, i get shot down. i'd give everything, but only certain terms are accepted.
i concoct stories in my head - dreaming myself to sleep. visions of how i wish my life to be. but of course, slumber snatches them from me all too quickly, remixes them into some evil, bizarre warped form, and plays them back at a different speed.
am i too old to be taking chances anymore? should i just be complacent in my lame, pathetic current state of life?
these thoughts and questions are the tools i use to torture myself in the middle of ALMOST EVERY NIGHT.
posted by: less-than3
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