we've got too much time to kill
(switching topics: staying vague)
interestingly, i want to be there. not surprisingly, i guess. feeling like it's some sort of duty. not duty, that sounds wrong. as if i'm obligated, as if it's something i don't want. which is so far from the truth. because it feels right, as if it's naturally something i should do.
(taking a slight turn)
oddly, i don't have any concrete thoughts. any fantasies or plans. nothing is charted or graphed or mapped out for my forseeable future. i was never like this before; maybe that is the key. perhaps that is the difference and the reason why.
because i can't look into a crystal ball, because i can't focus my eyes and see anything clearly, because my imagination just isn't working that well...perhaps that is in my best interest.
(put the brakes on the senses working overtime)
my lower left eyelid keeps twitching. this has been going on for a few days. i am relaxed though - my body jello from lack of substance, and the nightly tranquilizing medication. some water and a light snack would do me some good.
and some sleep, peaceful peaceful sleep.
tomorrow, i will finish the errands that this rainy saturday cut short. i do need to tap the mac. i need some cash. on monday night, i'll be getting together with my sister for dinner. finally telling her that i'm moving. across the country. hopefully her response is as favorable as mom and dad's. i'll have to preface telling her by saying that the parents reacted SO WELL to this. that way, perhaps she'll at least feel pressured to react well, even if she doesn't WANT to (hee). sneaky mer.
i miss you all very very much. don't ever doubt that for a second. i hope you all know who you are...who i'm talking to.
posted by: less-than3
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