why aren't you here with me tonight
nervous? eh, maybe a little.
dread? HELL FUCKING YES.
i am dreading my new era of employment like whoa. (meh) i've enjoyed my 2 months of slack way too much. even though i didn't take advantage of it. i didn't really travel or do anything exciting. i slept, felt sorry for myself, and went to the chiropractor 3 days a week.
and now i have to dive back into 8 hour workdays (not counting lunch, we don't get paid for that, since i'm back to being an "hourly" employee). i can work 830-530 with an hour lunch, 9-530 with a 1/2 hour lunch, or 930-530 with no lunch. i'm going in at 9 tomorrow and seeing how that goes.
what makes this situation a little bit more nervewracking is that, as you all know, i just started a whole new cocktail of meds. they have made me very, very tired. ON TOP OF the depression which made me very, very tired. i'm used to napping for 2-3 hours in the afternoon.
i fear that i will be found with my head on the computer keyboard, snoring and drooling.
not the best first impression to make.
the meds i take at night put me in a near catatonic state. my eyes cross and i get very dizzy. fun, yes, but not conducive to being clear headed.
i'll suck it up and deal. that's what my new doctor told me to do, and that's what i know i HAVE to do.
i've been doing some reading on borderline personality disorder. i had a field day at borders earlier in the week. i finished the first book, which was a case study of sorts. now, i'm not nearly as bad off as the girl in the book, but it's alarming. i DO NOT want to get to that stage. i refuse to let it happen.
i'm not going into any further detail about the book. and no, i'm not naming the book or the author or anything. i don't want anyone to read it and get the wrong impression of me.
yes, i'm that fucking paranoid and desperate for approval. it's typical. it's all in a day's work for me.
ugh. day's work. like, tomorrow.
i'll probably whine more about this later.
posted by: less-than3
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