you can't have safety in numbers if you're all alone
round & round & round meredith goes. where she'll stop next, nobody knows.
the "philadelphia experiment" is coming to an end. experimenting is all well and good, but i need something a little bit more real, more concrete than that. i'm formulating my ideals, my plans. slowly, but surely.
***
last night, unexpectedly, the nightmares came back. i suppose it's because i saw someone on the street yesterday that looked much like him (except with better teeth - ha). it threw me, i'm not going to lie. one of those tv-double-take moments. but it planted that seed back in my head, those ugly reminders - hands, words, alcohol, pain, desertion. they floated into my subconscious and disturbed my already fitful sleep.
5am, there was a knock on the door. i don't think it was my door, maybe the neighbors across the hall, or one of the apartments upstairs. but it freaked me out. between the dreams and the knocking, i almost didn't want to fall back asleep. i didn't feel safe.
normally, i can push it aside, detach myself from myself and ignore the fact that i don't feel safe. there are few moments when i DO actually feel safe.
few and far between.
posted by: less-than3
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