digging into the scars that never quite heal

how much adoration did you throw in my direction? was it as much as the money you stole? taking advantage of my family's good faith, and large wallet. the education was wasted on you. did you even go to class? or did you run off to fuck your ex, who you were still "good friends" with. "just friends".

bullshit. i didn't trust your ex-fiance, and i didn't trust your little friend/whore, either.

but i took it like a woman. with grace, i turned the other cheek. overlooked so much trusted. merely deleted the files and files of porn on my computer. kissed you goodbye every morning before i left for my 1.5 hour drive to work. you sat at home, all day, since you were "between assignments". i sent out 20-40 resumes per week to find a better and a job closer to home. you slept. i was the breadwinner, and i didn't care. i did what i had to. all because i loved you. i saved money whenever and however i could - i did laundry at my parents' house, i cut coupons...and you bought a $350 gun.

the drunken nights - i was nausous. head pounding. YOU pounding. but it was okay. you loved me; you loved your "little slut". then, i could feel it from the inside out, i could feel the blood. shouldn't this have gone a a little slower? a little gentler? i don't think i wanted it this way. it hurt. i felt torn. i didn't want you to hear me cry. head in the pillow...

you'd always apologize afterwards. you'd lost control - again. never again...was the redundant promise that was always broken.

you ruined me. you pushed me further on the edge of my (mentally) unstable little cliff. i dreamed of death. i lived up to your name for me. i didn't care. i wish that i could send you every bill for every therapy session, and every crazypill that i swallow. i live with the scars (physical and mental) everyday. i wake up crying. i put my friends, family and the man that i love through HELL because of all this. they don't deserve my histrionics. they don't deserve their lives to be made difficult because of me.

i was always a handful - you made me unbearable.

i hope that it all catches up to you. i hope you fuck up beyond any time you had fucked up before. i hope you end up in jail, rot there, and then rot some more in hell.

but not before you become some inmate's bitch and get a good ass-raping.

do unto others as you would have done to you, after all.

posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

4:24 p.m.
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