for all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me if i fall, if i fall down
i found out that my friend's bachelorette party is going to be in NYC. on a date that i cannot attend. my timing in life is impeccable.
and nothing like an email from my former roommate to make me feel like hell. i thought she'd understand. but she doesn't feel "out of the loop" - it's merely the physical distance from the rest of the crew that is an issue for her.
so basically i am the only one (besides possibly L) that feels completely emotionally and communicationally (if that is a word) distant from the group that was supposed to be together forever.
stupid me to think that. i haven't received a call in months. i rarely get a personal email (that is not REPLY ALLed) of more than 1 line.
i'm not motivated. i haven't worked out like i said i was going to. i
haven't cleaned the apartment like i planned.
i'm going to just crawl even further into my "internet life", because at least i'm accepted there. and even loved.
most nights are the same: i sit around, reading blogs and fanfics, writing poetry, and lamenting about the flux in my life. sometimes this is fueled by alcohol, sometimes not.
and then once i tire of listening to my chemical romance and bright eyes, i give up the fight and call it a night.
is this a way to live?
posted by: less-than3
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