fountains and flourescent lights

it just hasn't been an easy time. i'm at such a loss, and i'm trying to make sure that i've done everything that i possibly can. that i've offered what i can and then some.

because if i didn't, the guilt would kill me.

never enough, never enough... is the continuing chant in my brain. a dull echo reminding me of the wonderful things i should be, and i'm not. like a post-it note on the mirror, telling me not to eat, not to breathe, not to WANT.

i will always be selfish. and i must squash that part of me. i must kill it.

"take one every 6 hours as needed for anxiety"

or, you know, 3 in 2 hours. whichever. to feed the building tolerance. am i an addict in training? maybe. maybe not. perhaps i'm just trying to quell the clanging noise of doom that is always in my heart.

i that doom to be replaced with the feeling of being desired. feeling beautiful and smart. i want to see that burn in the eyes.

but i feel so selfish for that. the apology for that hangs on my tongue.


posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

9:18 p.m.
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