i wish i was special, you're so fucking special

yesterday afternoon, my company's general counsel: "you guys did a good job today. and mer, if you need a prescription for paxil or anything, let me know. i know a doctor who will give you write you one without seeing you....oh and let HR know if you want to fill out any paperwork for workman's comp for a 'traumatic work experience'."

no one will ever know how much that hurt me. again, if i brought it up (see my previous entry), it would come back and bite me in the ass. first of all, i'm hurt because he's basically teasing me about my reaction to the whole thing. secondly, he's poking fun at mental illness and medication.

FUCK YOU.

at least the counsel for our side of the case was a little concerned, and kind about it. he asked my one coworker to call me (after HER deposition was over) just to check if i was okay, because i seemed a bit shaken up.

***

today's question: is it better to be considered a "crazy" (and in that, be somewhat special) to those you couldn't really care less about, or be unremarkably generic to those you care most about?

that's not even a fair question, because i'm not thinking in 2 equal terms. apples and oranges.

i suppose i just don't like being treated like just another ho-hum person, by people who shouldn't see me as such...at least that's how i'm seeing it. am i giving myself too much credit?

i just want to be special to somebody out in this big bad world.

but since i don't seem to have a lot going for me these days...i guess there's nothing to consider special, really. this has been probably one of the worst weeks i've had in a VERY long time, and i feel so alone.

feeling invisible would be a lot easier to take if is was, in fact, invisible.

posted by: less-than3

spoke the truth!

[if you like what you read, please clix me!]

12:51 p.m.
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