retrace the steps, as if we forgot
i don't know. i just don't enjoy not having a definitive answer for things. i'm coming to some conclusions about myself that i am not happy with. but i suppose i have to accept them.
i don't enjoy the realization that i'm so needy. i need attention. i need...lots of things. and once i get it, i need more. it's as if i'm greedy about it. greedy-needy.
or maybe i'm just addicted. i do have that addictive personality, after all.
maybe i'm just afraid that the ashes, ashes will all fall down, and i'll be left behind. that my life is set on self-destruct. tick...tick...tick...BOOM!
i'm terrified to speak up these days. i need someone to just...know. just know, and make it better. (fix me?) make it right. don't even speak. words aren't always necessary. sometimes words fuck everything up. i need someone to just hold my hand. i'm so unsure about my life. give me that unspoken reassurance. (and make sure it gets through my thick skull. i'm slow like that.)
sometimes i feel as if i don't understand myself at all. other times, i think that i understand myself too much.
i'm isolated, up here in the tundra that is hatfield, pennsylvania. and the thought that, no matter where i go, i'll always be isolated and alone -- it flashes vividly in my mind, like a neon premonition.
posted by: less-than3
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