wow, i'm awake and coherent enough to update!
i went back to jenn's house, unexpectedly and spontaneously, and we went to a bar in her town. i got in a fight with one of the bartenders, liam, because he was going off about how gays can't be "married" -- and if you know me, you know that's a sensitive subject for me. he was going on and on about how gays can't have the "sacrament"...
unless you are becoming a priest or nun or another person of the cloth, you ask someone to marry you because you love them, last i heard. if you want to be religious about it, that is your perogative. that is something personal between you and your loved one. but first and foremost, it is about the LOVE. and i went OFF on this guy. i was SCREAMING at him. FUCK HIM.
i had to leave the bar...TWICE. i was hysterically crying. i was so upset. all this pent up frustration came out. because i am so convinced that i will never have that someone to love me...i will never be married...i am sure as hell not going to begrudge ANYONE that kind of love. (not to mention that earlier in the evening, we all found out that our friend andy and his boyfriend are ENGAGED! YAY!)
one of the bouncers at the bar, this big New Yawkah named Vinnie (i shit you not), said "Ah girl like yous too pretty to be all cryin'..." heh. it was sweet. i apologized to jenn's friend erin, whose boyfriend was the bartender i was fighting with. i didn't apologize for being angry or for yelling at him, per se, i just didn't want her to think i was disrespecting HER. she said, "honey! i love you! my boyfriend is being an asshole!"
i never yell. i never get mad (outwardly). and the fact that i did, albeit in a drunken, out of control sort of way, and directed towards someone i barely even knew...it felt so GOOD.
the hangover the next day though...did not feel so good.
**
in other news, the Stress Test has once again been cancelled, due to the fact that my insurance is fucktardish and still not authorizing it. however, i am still having the EKG and the echocardiogram and the appointment with the cardiologist tomorrow. all this so that my shrink can give me something resembling Speed so i'll lose at least the 35 pounds i've gained in the past 2 years.
how many milligrams does it take to love yourself? i guess maybe someday i'll find out.
i am still taking the entire day off of work though. so i now have the next 2 days off of work. which somewhat makes up for the fact that i have to work friday.
here's your daily reminder: go to the bottom left of the page and sign my frappr map!
also, please send me an email at apromisekept at gmail dot com with your snailmail address if you'd like a christmas/hannukah/kwanzaa/solstice/OMGWTFBBQYAYFESTIVENESS card
posted by: less-than3
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