you're going to hollywood!
an odd statement, coming from someone who spills her guts out to the world here on diaryland dot com. i have NO problem with expressing myself in the lovey-huggy-smooooshy kind of way. smiles and hugs and compliments and kind words. that's who i am. but it is extremely difficult for me to verbalize, to another person, the ugly emotions. not so much sadness and depression, since i cry at the drop of a hat.
but when it comes to anger, i'm a failure. expressing my opinion or desires? forget it. i hate confrontation of any sort, and that has put me at a great disadvantage when it comes to dealing with the rest of the world.
recently, though, i did both of those things - expressed what i wanted, and also expressed anger at another person (TO that other person!) i think that i deserve some bonus karma points for this. or some chocolate.
something.
without getting into any specifics (to protect the innocent, not so innocent, and not involved what-so-ever): there is something that i wanted, or at least, expressed an interest in. it took a while; i had tied myself up in knots for a few days over it. i was unusually quiet and ill-at-ease. unfortunately, i'm transparent enough that i was called on it - more than once.
and you know how i do: DENY, DENY, DENY!!
my shell was eventually broken through and, with no lack of tears (of course), i spoke my peace. eventually, i suppose i should learn how to do these things with a little more finesse and grace, but hey, baby steps, folks.
another grand milestone in the personal emotional growth of meredithelaine was getting angry (ooooooh). again, not terribly graceful, but i stated my case. it was very hard to keep up any semblance of composure, and i don't even know if i did or not. (i'm guessing: not so much)
did i get what i wanted out of this whole thing? yes and no. it's complicated. but good. because i got it out there. put myself out there.
but i do believe, that deserve at least a little bit of credit,
outcome or no outcome. it is hard enough for me to tell someone,
"you know what? i'm not really in the mood for spaghetti for dinner
tonight...".
it's a bit frightening that i have a fear of confrontation over choosing taco bell or chinese take-out.
posted by: less-than3
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