care to share your time with me?
i've been on the verge of crying all morning. but out of happiness. excitement.
to know that i've made this decision and started to formulate my plan, and hopefully will be strong enough to see it through, it's an exhilerating feeling.
i want to work out. i want to eat healthy - you know, organic and grains and *gasp* vegetables and stuff.
i want to TRY again.
do you know how long it's been since i felt like i had some purpose? some concrete goal and aspiration in mind?
i'm eating refried beans right now. quite, possibly, the world's UGLIEST food (think about it), but it's low-fat, and a vegetable. take THAT, bitches. i'm going to start taking my vitamins again, and hope my body doesn't go into some non-toxic shock. heh.
but back to the topic at hand. yes, i have a plan. as previously mentioned, my plan is to move by march 2006. Plan A is in full-effect, but i do have a Plan B, just in case...(knowing my luck and how my life has gone this far, it's best to be prepared).
i'm starting to shove money into my savings account, whilst paying off my bills and putting money back into the car fund that i recently depleted. note: my little SUV will be coming in handy, fo' sho'.
in both cases of Plan A and Plan B, i know of places that i can stay, at least temporarily. in the case of Plan A, my company has an office branch there. so a transfer could certainly be possible. in either case, though, i am a DGA (damn good admin), and a former retail goddess. i can make things happen.
i plan on springing this news to the fam sometime after the new year. this will give them 2-3 months to adjust to the idea. this also gives me 3 months to back out of my idea, which i DON'T want to do. but the out is there if i need it.
i don't expect my family's blessing on this. i, honestly don't expect anyone in my "real life" to give me their blessing at all.
please note that i HATE distinguishing between my family/high school/college friends and my friends from online in that way. it's just easier and shorter to say. but of course, i have just stated the long-ass version of the explanation. but i want to put it out there that my "internet buddies" are no less "real" than my "non-internet buddies". in fact, in many ways, my online crew is more real than my "real life".
anyway. so, no, i don't expect a blessing, not from my family, anyway. i don't expect them to understand that i'm going to be doing something for me for a change. taking a real chance. one could say that the philadelphia experiment of 3 years was taking a chance. and yes, it was, in some ways. but it was a very familiar place. still, i failed the philly experiment in a huge way.
i've never been like them, but have always tried to mold myself into being more like them. i think that i've sacrificed enough of myself. i'm 30 - old enough to assume responsibility for myself, but still young enough to take some risks in my life.
i just wish that they would be able to understand and accept that "their" happy is not necessarily mine.
so i have 6 months to plan and prepare. 4 months before i drop the bomb. i think this is my best plan of attack, so that way i can present my charts and graphs and powerpoint presentation (because, honestly, it may take that for them to take me seriously) and say,
"LOOK! i've done 4 months of research and planning so far! aren't i wonderful and rational and smart about it all?"
plane tickets aren't that hard to come by. since i know that they won't come visit me, i can fly back to visit them. if they couldn't drive to philly more than 5 times in 3 years (my sister not at ALL), i know they won't fly. so it will be the occasional random holiday when i will fly into newark liberty international airport and grace them with my presence and let them try and guilt-trip me into returning.
i have kick-ass credit. and the car fund wasn't completely tapped when i bought the Tucson, so i've got a little cushion already. i'm fairly smart and quite personable. not to mention cute. heh. i can sell old CDs for extra cash. i will donate old clothes to charity. i will cleanse my life and purge my demons.
i'm going to make this work. because it feels right.
posted by: less-than3
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