follow me and don't look down you're alright
maybe i think too much into things, and life.
but there are a few people in my life who are not talking to me right now. i can't speculate as to who or why or...chances are, life just takes people in certain directions.
timing being everything, though, i know i've said some things that have pissed people off lately. i don't even know who -- i can only guess, based on all the other factors.
and it fucking hurts -- and it's all my fault.
i've had this problem a million times before - you'd think i'd have learned by now. anything that could possibly be misconstrued are NOT to be brought to the surface. trouble is, i never realize it until the repercussions have struck.
i don't know. maybe i'm worrying too much. maybe i'm rockin' that "the whole world revolves around me" mindset again. fuck if i know. but i do have this feeling that i've said something to hurt someone and that just SUCKS. because i don't mean to do that...
...i just say stupid, thoughtless things when i'm frustrated with my life and depressed as hell.
maybe that's a sign that it's getting out of control - now i'm hurting other people. i don't want my depression and issues hurting anyone. i don't want to take it out on anyone - consciously or subconsciously.
hurt ME.
not you.
now i'm just at a loss. but i'm always here. always.
***
i'm so confused. i don't know how to turn my life around. i hear songs of hope and i start crying. because here are these people, writing and performing beautiful songs, changing lives...they don't even realize, do they?
how do people do the things that they do? inspiring others and breaking free from the fear of risk.
just take it and go.
some people are mountains -- i'm merely a grain of sand on the earth.
***
i never spoke of it - and still it disappeared. never glanced in the hint's direction, and never gave a clue as to where the dream was hiding. but the jinx that holds itself over my head, played its evil game, without my having to call it (in the air - heads or tails).
***
the windows are open, and the fan is on. and the scent of freshly sprayed pesticide fills my bedroom.
***
i need a drink. i need a smoke. i need an excuse.
posted by: less-than3
[if you like what you read, please clix me!]
meredithelaine's recently played tracks:
meredithelaine's most played tracks of the past week:
