no diggity, no doubt (aka, the spirit of '96)
the last day at my current job. they're taking me out to lunch at Chevy's (fresh mex!)...margarita's anyone?
i think i should be allowed to drink at lunchtime on my last day, don't you? i can't possibly get in trouble, right? i mean, i'm 30 and a half, it's my last day, what are they going to do...fire me?
it's going to be difficult saying goodbye. because for the most part, i loved working there, loved what i did, and loved the people. i'm sure i'll get weepy.
then tonight, i'm off to NYC to party it up with some fellow U of S alumni. one of them is one of my bestest friends in the universe. a few others are people i've seen a couple times here and there, and a few others i literally have not seen since graduation, and have reconnected with through myspace.
one of those randoms has pretty much propositioned me. twice. this week. yep. we've emailed back and forth, been on the phone a few times, blee blah. and he keeps going on about how great i look and how excited he is to see me. and we have "unfinished business to take care of," he says jokingly. (background on that: senior year, we did drunkenly make out a few times. nothing major...) but he is saying things that is making it clear that he wants to hook up. tonight.
now, if i was the same person i was a few years ago (say, the philadelphia era), we know where this would be headed. i was in the depths of my depression -- i was just there, not about to kill myself, but just waiting those 70-80some-odd years to die. i didn't care at all what happened to me.
but i'm a different girl now. i care. i have different viewpoints and goals and situations that i'm in. the fact remains though, that i am a girl, and i'm a girl with low self esteem, and fuck yeah, i like the attention. who wouldn't, right?
i just struggle with being perceived as a bitch. especially with people who run in similar social circles as myself (alumni!) -- i want to be friends with these people - semi-BFF for life. and it just sucks when you hear someone laughing at your jokes and you know that they're finding you funny and captivating and interesting and they're throwing you compliments and you're actually connecting and having decent conversation, but STILL, deep down...they still want sex. STILL.
i can't win. no matter what. THIS is one of the benefits of having 99.44% of my male friends being gay. not that i chose that -- it's just a weird coincidence. but obviously, the gayboys are NOT lookin' to hook with me. so if they think i'm witty, and want to talk with me for hours, it's actually because of ME.
the jersey chapter is slowly coming to a close. and it's weird. it's now starting to freak me out a bit. but that's okay. it's to be expected. right now, i just have to concentrate about wrapping things up at the office, enjoying my last day, enjoying tonight, and fighting off someone's advances...
posted by: less-than3
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